loss – The life of a rainbow mum🌈

So the way that I deal with loss, stress and anxiety is to organise and clean everything.

Having Asperges syndrome has always been a pain in my behind.

I have the obsessive time keeping the worst, I’m very aware that I do this and that I cause stress to myself and others around me (thank god my parents didn’t disown me and my husband married me).

But I have lost a lot of people in my life due to me being hard to deal with, or me just not understanding other peoples emotions.

I found this the hardest part of our journey so far.

I have very few friends. I rely whole heartedly on the few I have, my husband and my family.

When the losses started I didn’t know how to deal with it so I closed off to everyone except my husband. I put on a brave face and cleaned.

You know what Mrs Hinch honestly saved me 🤦🏻‍♀️🤯.

I cleaned every part of our old farm house in our little village as I tried to scrub away the loss.

Which I’m very aware cannot be done.

But it is very therapeutic.

So we should start right at the beginning so you can get to know us !

Me and my husband met at High School, we did some vast growing up and got engaged in Disneyland, in 2017.

We got married on a lovely day in October 2018, we flew off to New York and Orlando for an amazing honeymoon ❤🌈.

We stopped the pill on our wedding day and a month and a half later when we got home from our trip we found out we were pregnant !

Unbelievable happiness soon ended in heartbreak due to ( very painful ) ruptured ovarian cysts and surgery!

We then kept trying and twice more found out we were pregnant both times it ended in tragic losses.

The pain that you go through when loosing a child is like no other.
The losses got harder and harder every time with the feeling that it was my body that was failing it took a mental toll on us. Mental health is really one of those things that you don’t really think about until your world is loosing traction.

With the on off binge drinking and emotional outbursts, the ptsd and the anxiety associated with the pregnancies we knew we had take a break from trying for a while, kick ourselves up the arse and enjoy married life and brought our first home !

We may not have had the professional support we should have but with family, friends and each other we got to were we are today !

But you know what they say ! Fourth times a charm 🍀

Keep reading it gets so much better ! 🌈❤

Tag: loss

The obsessive cleaning ! 🪣

The start of our rainbow life 🌈